Very strange

So it's Monday morning and I am sitting in my Corporate America cube drinking Starbucks and reading the news when I come across shocking piece of information:

Bart Simpson will be getting naked in the new Simpson feature film. And by naked, we mean full frontal nudity. Bart’s bare essentials are cleverly concealed by strategically-placed props until a gap in some hedges reveals his naughty bits, as the Brits say. Simpson's creator Matt Groening spoke to the crowd and noted that he expects the brief cartoon nudity and certain digs at politics and religion to raise objections, but pointed out that part of the series’ appeal is its willingness to go out on those limbs and offend the easily offended.

If this were a normal film and a child actor (who is about 8 years old) showed his thing, the movie would not get a PG rating. Is it okay to look at little boy's boyhood just because it’s animated?

Hmmmmm. Something to think about.

Tragic but true

Now some may disagree with my love for Perez but the man is hysterical. He is my guilty pleasure and without his blog I may have no other choice but to actually work at my Corporate America job- now where's the fun in that? I actually have tried to ween myself off of him but I just cant do it. My day consists of coming into work 30 minutes late, Checking Perez, reading Fox News while drinking Starbucks, checking Perez again, making a couple dials to some of my IBM accounts, checking Perez before taking a 2 hour lunch, check email, play on youtube, read Tania's blog, call on a couple more accounts, then end the day with Perez. Right before i left for lunch I read this on Perez. Say what you want about him but what he says about Brit Brit is harsh but true. Tragic, but it is all true.

Look at her.
She just doesn’t care!
While most young mothers of two children would stay home on a Monday night, Britney is not like most.
While most working women attempting a comeback after having kids would stay in and focus on their career, Spears just doesn’t give a damn.
While most recovering addicts would stay away from bars, Britney’s already been reported to be drinking again and hitting the clubs.
While most any normal female would never wear an outfit like that, Spears wants to look like a prostitute.
While most healthy adults have friends and family that tell them what they should here, Britney surrounds herself with paid friends and professional relatives, like cousin Alli, who joined her while partying at Club Joseph’s on Monday.
This crazy bitch rules!!!!
Don’t ever expect her to change her ways.
Trashy Brit to the end!!!!

loves mer

A very Special birthday

Conniving up creative, revengeful and merciless way to destroy someone’s life is an art, an ability not everyone can achieve, or so the Sopranos and the Godfather would like us to believe. It can take months, sometimes years, to plan the perfect, ruthless antidote. Growing up with a Sicilian mother I quickly became acquainted with the mafia. When my family gets together for holidays, our stories do not consist of those sweet, heartfelt, tearjerker memories. Instead, we sit around drinking bottles of vino and stuffing our mouths with cannolis while my cousins glorify my grandfather, boasting details about his days working and revenging against Al Capone. I try to ask my mother for details of my grandfather’s life, anything that would give me sufficient bragging rights. But the only thing I can get out of my mother is, “Forget about it. Not worth talking about.”

When I called to wish my friend, Sherry, a happy 25, I anticipated loud, piercing screams streaming through my Razor. Upon dialing, I could already hear the obnoxious bragging about her “blinding and very expensive” engagement ring she so sure was getting the evening before. 2 months prior, Seann, Sherry’s boyfriend of 7 years, walked in to find Sherry and another man performing similar scenes from A Night in Paris. Apologies were made and forgiveness was given almost immediately. All of her friends, me included, never really gave it a second thought considering we all know how “special” Seann is. And by “special” I mean really, really dumb.

At the age of 15, Seann’s father died leaving Seann millions in trust funds. Seann was not supposed to receive a penny until the ripe age of 30. The weekend before Sherry turned 25, she receives a call from dumbass himself.

Seann: Yo! So I was all talking to my mother today? And she was all, dude, you have been working really hard lately and its about time you cash in those trust funds. So, babe I was thinking for your birthday we should totally celebrate or whatever.

Sherry: OH MY GOD BABY! Are you serious?

Seann: Yea, so I was thinking? Maybe you should let me plan your birthday dinner or whatever. I’ve already got a baby blue box ready for you.

Sherry (in a very squeaky voice, you know, the voice only dogs can understand): OH MY GOD!? Really?

Seann: So like you should dress really, really nice or whatever.

Of course, Sherry calls me 2 minutes after totally freaking out. The whole time all I can think is, WTF? A girl cheats on her boyfriend and she still gets Tiffany’s? Where the hell is the justice?
Turns out justice can be found conveniently in Atlanta’s Blue Point. They arrive at the restaurant at 7:30 and sit down in the back. Seann tells her, “Babe, this is my birthday gift to you so I'll take care of the ordering this evening.” In the course of the night Seann orders one bottle of Crystal, 4 tequila shots, three Jack and Cokes, and two very strong Cosmos. They share 2 orders of Sushi rolls, calamari (which is my favorite thing on the menu), 2 Fillet Minions, and desert. Just as they are about to finish, Seann grabs Sherry’s hand and says, “I need to ask you something very important.” He reaches in his coat breast pocket but pulls out empty handed. “Fuck. I left my present in the car. I’ll be 2 seconds.” He runs out of the restaurant to which Sherry tipsy text messages me, “He abot 2 aks me.” She takes lipstick and coats her lips with a dab of shine at the same time the waiter drops off a baby blue box. Inside a note is discovered, “You like getting fucked bitch?”

Mortified Sherry gasps so loudly everyone begins to stare. She looks around and since Seann is no where to be seen, calls his cell. It rings once followed by his voicemail. “You like to get fucked, don’t you bitch! Thanks for the dinner. Happy birthday slutty.” Beeeeep. Sherry resorts back to 5 years old, sobbing uncontrollably and very, very loudly. She calls again. Voicemail comes on after the first ring, again. “Are you crying bitch? Are you fucking kidding me? You wasnt crying that night you fucked Jason? Stop your fucking crying sluttina. So pathetic. And yo, if this is anyone else calling, ya like just leave a message and I’ll call you back or whatever.” Beeeeep.

The dinner only came to like $3 or $400.00 but the memory is priceless. I am so proud of my Seann. I would never believe he could do something so creative, so conniving, let alone keep it a secret for 2 months. Whenever I ask about that evening, Seann just smiles coyly and says, “Forget about it.”

Loves!
mer

Just another reason why not to vote for Hillary

just awful!

The last cigarette

I was 18 when I started smoking. I have admired smoking the majority of my life- the look of a cigarette, how it feels in between my fingers, everything about smoking I love. When i was 3 I tired to pretend I was my cousin who smoked, desperately wanting to look as glamorous as she did. I never smoked in high school because I was afraid of what my mother would say. But when I turned 18 and realized smoking not only looked cool but also helped women lose weight, I was addicted fast. I would smoke everywhere, after working out, at the clubs, in the middle of the night- anywhere that allowed smoking. I was living in Rome when my addiction really got intense. I would go through 2 packs once a week.

I remember the first time my father caught me smoking. I was walking to one of Rome’s Piazza’s to meet my parents for breakfast. I was early, they were earlier. I walked into the Piazza with a lit cigarette in hand. It was then I caught my father’s face go from ecstatic to absolute disgust. I abruptly threw the cigarette to the ground and tried to convince my father it was no big thing. I cried all afternoon- I was so shameful I disappointed my father. It didn’t stop me from smoking, it just made me more cautious of where I smoked.

I am now trying to quit- for health reasons. It’s a habit I absolutely love and I really upset I am quitting- especially at this point in my life when I feel I could always use a cigarette. It’s not that I am addicted, because im not. I don’t get nicotine cravings or go into anxiety if I can’t get a cigarette. As crazy as it sounds, smoking is just the one thing that has always made me happy. It’s a great way to meet new people, it’s a wonderful ice breaker, and it’s a great way to distress. But considering I am scared of lung cancer and looking like Donatella Versace when I turn 40, I am saying good bye to my faithful friends. Sad

Sweet Talk Talk Phone Company Commercial

Such an awesome commercial

Now, they've gone too far.

First they make Steve cheat on Miranda. Then they make Carrie wear bad clothing. Now, they kill of one the 4 women.
WTF HBO??? So upsetting. Sex is beyond ruined for me. Here is the news (according to Perez, which makes it 100 percent true because everything he publishes on his blog is true. for real).


Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert!

Stop reading here if you don't want to know!

Sex & The City's token ginger head, Cynthia Nixon has blabbed that one of the characters in the film DIES.

She refused to say who it is, though.

One of them dies?!

Who do you think it will be?

We think it will be Charlotte or Samantha.

Charlotte could die giving birth to that baby she's supposed to be preggers with.

Samantha's cancer could come back and maybe kill her?

It would be amazing if they killed of Carrie, though!!!

And so it goes...

It’s studio week, roughly 11:30 on a Saturday evening. Ty has just come back to school after finishing another grueling day at work. I don’t quite know what he does at Target, however I can just imagine him humming endless hours to himself as he carefully displays the latest collection from “sell out” Isaac Mizrahi. I am freaking out for the about the third time today. Noah asked me to write copy for his Kurt Vonnegut project and I want to impress him. Although my concepts are creative, I can’t quite get the correct wording. Just 15 minutes earlier Ty assured me that “we” would make it perfect. Ty is so good like that, helping me when he himself has his own work to complete. We are trying to come up with different ways to advertise a dark beer using one of Kurt's favorite ponders, “What is the purpose of life?”

2 weeks prior to studio week I hardly knew anything about Mr. Vonnegut, a man, who in my opinion, shares similar physical features to that of an old Mark Twain. Once Noah asked me to write copy for his project, I tried to read as much as I could by Kurt in the little of time I had. I analyzed everything from his short stories to Slaughter-House Five. I immediately fell in love with Kurt’s extremely dry sense of humor, a talent very few people can pull off. I also made Ty read the same stuff (just so he wouldn’t try to get out of helping me).

So, here we are on Saturday evening trying to write something very Kurtish and whimsical. We work for about an hour laughing continuously. There is a designer in the lab who is trying to give us some ideas but they are absolutely awful, to say the least. He suggested we answer, “What is the purpose of life” by saying, “To find a good beer… and a girl who you drop off at 3 in the morning.” Yes, I realize that makes absolutely no sense at all but for some reason the designer thought it was pure genius. (We now understand why the designer changed his focus from writing to design). Finally, Ty and I come up with the perfect copy. It sounds awesome. One month later, the project even manages to find its way into the front case at school.

A couple days ago Mr. Kurt Vonnegut died. I don’t really know what to call the event, it’s not ironical, it’s not a coincidence, it just is what it is. I’m very sorry to see him pass. He was an extremely interesting and philosophical man. Through Kurt's profound words of wisdom, Ty and I became even closer with one another. Every time I think of Mr. Vonnegut I will now think of my Ty. It’s just one of the many reasons why Kurt has become one of my favorite authors of all time.

LOVES!
mer

Reminds me of my Corporate America job

One of my favorite shows on TV right now is The Office. Besides being very well written, the show mocks everything wrong in Corporate America. During studio week, I was introduced to the British, original version of the Office and it is far funnier than any NBC Office episode. I fortunately and unfortunately work for Corporate America- that is, when they actually have work for me to do. The company is a small sales and marketing company owned by a British man. Over the years the company has established itself as one of IBM’s business partners, a title that has turned everyone in our office from fun to absolutely insane/crazy. This week marked one of the worst weeks I’ve ever had during my 2.5 years there. I need money and yet I’m hardly getting any. Actually, take the “hardly” out of that sentence and replace it with “not.”

School is off to a great start. This is going to be a very tough quarter but I think the end result will be awesome work. Here’s hoping. Today I spent the majority of the day working on upcoming projects. During the day I worked with the wonderful copywriters at Barnes and Noble. At night I ended up at Starbucks with a very adorable designer. I actually had a lot of fun this evening. Who knew working this hard could actually be fun? Go fig

LOVES,
mer

I heart a boy named joshua

I am so hungry for a real job these days. School has been fun but I am ready to face the real world again, problems and all. I just finished reading the best book ever, And then we came to the end, by Joshua Ferris, aka my new boyfriend. It is about a Chicago advertising agency that is experiencing a downturn at the end of the '90s Internet boom and is so funny. The book was named one of the best books of the year, by New York Times, and was a national book finalist in 2007. A definite must read, especially anyone who loves the advertising world. Joshua also sold his book to HBO. In turn, HBO will make a new show based on the characters from the book. I think it will be even funnier than the office.

Intrigued? Here is an excerpt. This is exactly why I love the advertising world so much.

"A good deal of our self-esteem were predicated on the belief that we were good marketers, that we understood what made the world tick- that in fact, we told the world how to tick. We got it, we got it better than others, we got it so well we could teach it to them. Using a wide variety of media, we could demonstrate for our fellow Americans their anxieties, desires, insufficiencies, and frustrations- and how to assuage them all. We informed you in six seconds that you needed something you didnt know you lacked. We made you want anything that anyone willing to pay us wanted you to want. We were hired guns of the human soul. We pulled the strings on the people across the land and by God they got to thier feet and they danced for us.

The beginning of the end.

Today is one sad day for Starbucks. They went from using these cute green cups


























to using these ugly brown ones.






People loved walking around holding the green cups. Who wants to be seen holding this ugly brown looking thing.













Also, they changed their adorable logo











to this hideous thing.






awful. just awful. On the bright side, Starbucks has lost so much money they have been forced to dump T-Mobile and hire AT&T in order to access free wifi in all their stores. welcome to the 21 century, Starbucks. Although, I think it may be a little too late.

And the rich get richer while I am in some major debt

Every couple days I receive advertising newsletters via email. They keep me updated on work/ latest news from ad agencies all over. This evening, only an hour after telling Jamie how much I hate Ketel One ads, I discovered Ketel One is spending $50 million on more print ads. They are using a very well-known agency on the west coast. They have been doing ads for the last 3 years. They are horrible. Even the Washington Post agrees with me and said, "the most urgent question raised by this campaign- what can be done to make it stop?" I guess not everyone has to have talents to be successful in this industry.


***ads up above are from copyranter.blogspot.com. so funny. almost as entertaining as my perez.

Best. Night. Ever

I hate Corporate America. For the last 2 weeks I haven't worked at my job because they are going through a huge lay off period. I haven't been laid off yet but I suppose it's only a matter of time. I wouldn't care so much if I didn't have all these bills to pay. I tried to search for a new job this evening but I haven't had that much luck. It's kinda of stressful especially when I should be focusing my attention on school. This afternoon I searched online for jobs for about 2 hours. I would really like to work as a receptionist at an advertising agency but as luck would have it, I cant find anything at all. Here's hoping I wont have to work in another restaurant. Anything but that.

I was having the worst day today. I was all stressed about school and being poor but then out of nowhere I reconnected with someone I hadn't talked to in a while and it totally brighten me up. Now I am in the best mood ever. Too bad I wont be sleeping any time soon. Im off to pull my first all nighter. I have to work on making an extra large man's shirt resemble my life at this present moment in time. I am totally not digging this arts and craft project. Taking Sylvia's class burned me for life. And may I just end my blog with this final thought- kinda crazy how my Sylvia poster is still hanging up. They just moved it from one wall to another. It's not like it's that good. It's actually quite bad. However, Sylvia did think I was the only one who incorporated humour into their poster. Maybe she thought it was so bad it was funny? Who knows. Off to paint

loves,
mer




"All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars" Bob Dylan

lol quote of the day

"Bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president, bitch."
Tracy Morgan on SNL this past weekend.

so sweet

Turtle adopts baby hippo after Tsunami


A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said .

The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean, then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him.

"It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge Lafarge Park, told AFP.

"After it was swept and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added. "The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added. "The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years," he explained.

breaks my heart!

I win some, I lose some. Then I call it an evening.

I learn the hard way. I always fall for the wrong men. And by “wrong” I mean the bad boy asshole. I love the challenge. I love being in love. Sometimes I forget that I am not necessarily in love with the person, I am just in love with being in love. I need to remind myself of this because I forget this little fact when I am all caught up in the moment. Tonight is the first night I have smiled for about 3 nights. I cried all day yesterday. I couldn’t even get out of bed. I cried over a boy named Tat. I cried not because I was in love with him, but because I lost my moment to be in the moment with him. It happens to the best of us. I kind of went crazy in the end but that’s kind of what makes me, me. I am a little bit crazy. And when I finally find that one person who is just as crazy as me, who loves to be in love just like me, and who loves to make out all morning long, then I will know it is ready to stop playing the single card. Until then, I am back to stirring up trouble.

Loves,
mer

WHAT 4 SELL OUTS LOOK LIKE!!!!!!!!!

THERE IS NOTHING GOOD ABOUT THIS MOVIE!!!!! The show was so awesome because it stated loudly women do not have to end up with someone to define themselves. I love, love, love how the show ended. It allowed us, the viewers, to come up with our own conclusions about the 4 women. Now, the movie strips us of all of that. I don't want to see Steve cheating on Miranda nor do I want to see Carrie get married. Big would NEVER get married in real life. Never would happen! And the Carrie we all fell in love with wouldnt have an assistant! She may be high maintainers, but not that high! And SJP said in an interview, "the fashion is really different this time." If by different she meant ugly, then yes, she is correct. I loved Sex and the City more than anyone but tonight, I am truly disappointed. Grant it, I haven't seen the movie as of yet, but so far it ain't looking so pretty. What do you all think? Comments?

What I have learned from finals

1. We never entirely leave high school. Our days of gossiping in the halls and trying desperately to fit into the cool crowd will haunt us for the rest of our lives. There will always be the popular quarterback, the flirty cheerleader, the nerdy kid, and the weirdass everyone keeps around just for comic relief. There is no escaping it- might as well as sit back and enjoy the ride- it will definitely be a long one.

2. Its never good to start liking someone when finals approach. Its bad enough stressing over final projects. Add analyzing the extent of a new relationship lurking around the corner-it will definitely make anyone go crazy. Although, I must admit, developing a crush on someone is the best feeling in the world. Between those agonizing and self doubt moments of, does he really like me?” lie some wonderful feelings that attack the heart so much you thank God for being alive. Not that I would know such feelings. Im not saying, im just saying.

3. Which brings me to my next lesson- be careful of who u tell what to. Recently, someone who I thought was trustworthy repeated something I said out of context. Not cool.

4. I really hate Corporate America but I do enjoy paying my bills with it’s checks. Too bad I haven’t gotten one in a while.


5. So not good at playing the game when i like someone- which is why I rarely find myself in these situations.


Bring on 3rd quarter- looking forward to all the trouble i am about to get myself into to.

loves!
mer

"All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars" Bob Dylan

My new fav song.. for this week at least

Such a good weekend!
Very busy though- finals are approaching. The only good thing about finals is bonding with some very talented designers I didnt really know until now and late night with my copywriters girls. Both of those instances made it a very enjoyable weekend- one of the best actually.

Details later

loves!
mer

If Celebrities Moved to Wisconsin

Johnny Depp








Camron Diez

JLO and Marc







nicole kidman




pam anderson





posh and david




tom cruise

Jennifer Aniston:








Jessica Simpson: