Hotlanta gets Freaky

Often referred as the buckle of the Bible Belt, Atlanta is best known for her Gone with the Wind, Coca Cola, Hip-Hop, and one very poetic Blonde. Since 1965, Atlanta has been rocking out at the Clermont Lounge (www.clermontlounge.net). The legendary Blondie, a stripper known for crushing beer cans between her gargantuan, sagging rack, lures in spectators from all over the country. Located in the dingy basement of the Clermont Hotel (which is rented out by the hour), this notorious dive bar is home to half a dozen 40some (and some 70), seedy, heavily cellulited, aging strippers. There are even rumors that a couple of midgets have stripped at this joint at one time. Having only been there once before, Chrissy and I revisited this scandalous, squalid bar this past Friday evening. The first time we went, a man waiting by the hotel asked how much I was charging for sex. Apparently he thought I was a prostitute. I was hoping our second time there would be just as memorable. And it was.

Upon arriving, Chrissy and I walked straight to the bathroom where we met a 70 year old, white haired stripper wearing a Little Miss Riding Hood dress and blue eyelashes. She was lecturing another striper about STDs. “Never let toilet water splash your coochie.” Very educational. Little Miss Hood asked us if we wanted a dance. We kindly declined. After our field trip to the bathroom, we headed up to the cash only bar where we met Mr. Hunchback, an ex Clermont bouncer. In the course of the evening, Mr. Hunch shared multiple stories and secrets, secrets I could share but it would be more fun if you witnessed them first hand. He bragged about the different celebrities who party at the lounge when in town; everyone from Kid Rock and Marilyn Manson to Bubba Sparks, Chris Rock, and Outkast have played within the Clermont walls. The only downfall of the evening was when a very shady clown walked in. I am deadly scared of clowns so when I first saw the longhaired, red nose freak, I began to panic and almost broke into tears. Clowny didn’t stay very long, but long enough to tell that he was wearing flame covered contacts and had sawed down his teeth. Nasty.

So why visit the lounge? Other than being voted as one of the best dive bars in Atlanta by Maxim Magazine, the best bar in the county by Esquire, and recommended as the place to visit before you die by GQ, it is a staple in Atlanta history. Few other places have sustained Atlanta's attention quite like the Clermont. This lounge is really one of those places that you must see at least once, even if it is just for the mer shock value. Like Maxim says, “Clermont is, like aged spirits, appreciated by some but likely to make uninitiated eyes water.” Just don’t look anyone directly in the face and you'll be fine. And be very weary of the clown.