Notorious always makes everything better

It is well known that Garden Spiders suck the living right out of their prey. All too many times, grasshoppers will be minding their own business, jumping around without a care in the world... then BAM! They land in the middle of a web, fighting to break loose. The spider, showing no mercy, immediately spins the victim into a mummy-like cocoon of silk, then bites through the cocoon to suck out all the poor grasshopper's juices- very slowly I may add.

This weekend, out of nowhere, I faced the fate of a grasshopper. Last weekend, I was so happy, everything was going great, everyone was all friendly. As soon as Monday hit, I fell right into the middle of that web, fighting every which way to get out. It first started with a fight with a friend followed by the sadness of 2 other friends. And as a special bonus, all of this occurred way before Friday even came around.

Friday night, after a very stressful week, I worked out on the Stairmaster for about 40 minutes. I secretly was hurting and wanted to stop 20 minutes into my exercise. However, due to my best friend being in the room, I wanted to appear tough and vigorous. I kept stepping on, even after my knees screamed, "We hate you." Somewhere around 35 minutes later, they went on strike and gave out. I ended up collapsing and hitting my chin on the monitor. Seriously, that has never happen to me.

To reward myself, I met up with Morgan at the Dark Horse Tavern. For some reason, the beer belly drunkards with their smoke-smelling bodies all around us made us engage in a long, deep, meaningful conversation about life. In the middle of "...no my week sucked more..." a balding, cigar smoking man approached Morgan. He explained his friend had been married for 10 years and was having a rough evening. He asked Morgan if she would humor the married man for one simple moment. She said, "fine, but just for a minute." The dirty old basted (who had the same likings and size of Mini Me) walks over and begins to talk to the two of us. I look at both of his hands and it was clear the man had no sign of his wedding band. When I asked the man where his band was, he became extremely silent for about 30 seconds. Then he looked at Morgan with a blank face and explained, "my wife and I are separated?" Clearly the man thought we were idiots. He leaves, but not before he gropes Morgan and tells her, I just was trying to get some p-----------.

The evening was not a total disaster- I did run into Joe and reconnected with another PC kid. I thought the PC boy did not have any type of personality- turns out the joke was on me. He was actually very charming to say the least. Probably he was trying to get some play, but still his charm took me by a pleasant surprise.

Saturday morning I wake up to this burning sensation in my left eye. It hurt too much to open and I could feel tons of crust on the outside. I ran to the mirror only to discover a very pink eye- nasty. I had antibiotic drops so luckily the redness went away (but not for very long). I tried to perk my spirits up with a Grande Light Coffee Frapachhino, 86 the cream. I went pay only to realize my wallet and all my means of payment had been stolen. Score.

I went and saw Smoking Aces- this movie does not deserve any more attention than it already has gotten- but must I just say- Jeremy Piven, you disappoint me- Was it really necessary to be as ugly and drugged out as you were? And you could have not gotten any hot women to play the part as your whores? If the movie is going to suck, at least give me something pleasant to look at. Honestly.

Sunday is when the spider quits toying with my emotions and goes in for the kill. I wake up to a very tragic text delivered at 830 in the morning. My best friend gave me some disheartening news. The news, which is neither here nor there really upset me and tore out my heart. I spent the entire morning crying my pink eyes out. I eventually got up and met my mother at mass. Naturally, she begins lecturing me on something insignificant- something about late or something. Wasnt really paying attention. Her timing is always absolutely perfect. At mass, I asked God for some guidance. Turns out guidance comes in a Black Pinot Noir bottle, marked with an A and can be found in Après Diem. It was a wonderful evening and a nice distraction to an otherwise horrible day. Too bad too much guidance almost made me puke at 230 this morning.

Hoping this week is better.

Loves,

mer